Part I: Introduction
Disclaimer … I am no longer a neutral juror. I’m seated on the right with the trad wives and after reading The Times article, “Meet the Queen of the ‘Trad Wives’ (and Her Eight Children)” by Megan Agnew, I feel attacked.
I’m sitting in the jury booth, looking out into a crowd of women starkly divided by a huge line running down the middle. I guess this line of division really boils down to politics and religion … the two defining pillars for classifying types of humans here in America. But, we are so much more than that. When I close my eyes and just listen with my heart, the line fades away and we are all just mothers, sisters, and friends. We are more alike than we are different.
Although these women may vote differently and practice spirituality in different places, the Mormon women in long dresses working their family farms are not so different from the tattooed hippie chicks wearing long dresses and volunteering at their community gardens. They are both wonderful moms, they love being in nature, and they care about what is in the food they feed their families.
We are each on our own journey of trying to figure out life and chase our passions. But sometimes, the inhumane voices from made-up entities … the fictional monsters we have created like media, politics, and societal “norms” whisper in our ears and try to pull us apart.
I shake my head, and my eyes open. I take a deep breath, back to reality. The room just got colder and the air is standing still.
Hannah Neeleman aka the “queen of the trad wives” takes the stand. When questioned about whether she’s always dreamt about a quiet life on the farm, she says, “No. My goal was New York City. I left home at 17 and I was so excited to get there, I just loved that energy. And I was going to be a ballerina. I was a good ballerina. But I knew that when I started to have kids my life would start to look different (Agnew, 2024).”
The prosecutor calls her next witness, Hannah’s husband, Daniel. Although he was raised as a city boy, he admits, “Yes.” This is his dream to live on a farm and raise a huge family. “I expected Hannah to be more at home with the kids, but she said, ‘I watched my parents working together and so whatever we do, we got to do it together’ (Agnew, 2024).”
From where I’m sitting, it feels like the trad wives are just minding their own business and posting aesthetically pleasing videos of their homemade sourdough bread online and the girl bosses are taking offense and coming after the trad wives for not being good enough feminists.
The undertone of this article and many others online are accusations like, How could any sane woman willingly give up her career in a bustling city for a quiet life on a farm raising children? She must be brainwashed by her husband and not making her own decisions.
I don’t actually see the trad wife movement as being anti-feminist at all. In fact, I see it as a new wave of feminism. Perhaps part of the 4th wave of feminism in America. But, I have a unique perspective and a very privileged one.
Part II: Brief History of Feminism in America
Throughout American history, the feminist movement can be categorized into three definite waves. The first wave was memorialized in 1920 with the passing of the 19th Amendment granting women the right to vote. During this time, America was coming out of the Great Depression and into World War II. Women were going to work and off to war as nurses and took on other service roles (Pruitt, 2022).
The second wave continued the fight for equality and rung in the Equal Pay Act in 1963 and the passing of Roe v. Wade in 1973 which granted a woman’s right to choose an abortion.
While the first and second-wave feminists burned their bras and cut their hair short, the third-wave feminists reclaimed the power of their womanly curves and flaunted what their mamas gave them (Rampton).
The third wave of feminism focused on the racial and gender discrepancies of the feminist movement. The #MeToo movement is also one of the major events of this era. After originating in the 2nd wave, in the third wave, we idealize the woman who has her cake and eats it too. She has the boobs and the brains … the career and the family (Rampton). One of the most influential voices of this generation, Taylor Swift, sings in “Lavender Haze,” “No deal … the 1950’s shit they want from me.”
This is the era that I’ve been raised in and for most of my life, I’ve felt a little bit of resentment toward the 3rd wave of feminism. We’ve been brought up to believe that we can and should be doing it all … going to college, having a family, and scaling corporate ladders. This is an unattainable feat that just sets us up for failure. We’re caught in a cycle of outrageous goal setting and then shame spiraling when we don’t meet our “to-do” list. It’s completely impossible to do it all at the same time. One of those areas of your life is going to suffer and sadly, I think it’s our children who are suffering the most. Women are burnt out, resentful, and depressed. The only way you could possibly have the best of both worlds is if you magically find a career that only requires 20 hours a week and you have money to hire help for the domestic duties at home. In this economy, I don’t know anyone with those kinds of resources.
Today, the 4th wave is still being defined. We’ve made a lot of huge strides forward for women and equality, and I’m so grateful for the activists like Sojourner Truth who came before me and paved the way. However, we are still faced with a huge upward battle for women’s safety, reproductive rights, and equal opportunity.
In my feminist dream, I want to see better childcare options and longer maternity leave. This year, in my home state, Missouri, voters voted against MissouriAmendment 1, the Property Exemption Tax for Childcare Establishments Measure, which would have made childcare establishments exempt from property tax. This was an attempt to lower childcare prices that failed (Cox et al.). A blow to women and feminism, in my opinion.
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